But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
