just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
