You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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