you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
