they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
