I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
