carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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