I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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