i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
