Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
