I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I understand Curling. That high.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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