youre lurking in front of me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
