Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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