to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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