I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
