I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
