i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
