The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
