yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
