DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
