Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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