there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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