To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
