So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
