Nicole vs. Life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
