so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
