Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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