So drunk its hurt
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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