The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You have to summon your inner elephant
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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