everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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