you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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