I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
