my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
