like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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