sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
