Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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