apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
