if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
