I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
