If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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