My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
