I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
