We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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