..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
