My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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