:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize