***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize