i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
