i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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