Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
