people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
