problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
