Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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