we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are two peas in an std pod
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
