everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Randomize
