I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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