is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
