how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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