sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
