Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
