saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
