Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
home. puking in laundry basket.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
