Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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